Tammy Beilstein,
Coordinator for Prevent
Child Abuse
Calaveras Council, works in San Andreas and has a heart
for children. With two of her own, she is a supporter and fighter
for children's rights against child abuse. She also knows the
hardships and trials of parents raising children in today's
sophistication, with prowlers, drugs, and others intent on
exploiting our children. She firsthand knows how easily things can
go wrong. For this reason, she is an advocate of empowering parents
through up-to-date teaching, timely information, and helping
provide them with the tools they need to do a good job parenting. This is most evident in the stories she
writes for the Gold Country Times. She keeps readers aware
of what is going on and how they can help to make a difference. We are pleased to have Tammy on
our staff. If you have any questions, or if you need help or more
information on ways to prevent child abuse in Calaveras County,
call (209) 754-6110, or e-mail Tammy at
pcacc@hotmail.com. Prevent
Child Abuse Calaveras Council (PCACC), 501 D Goldstrike, San
Andreas, Ca 95249.
BACA
Chees
Parenting from the Inside
Out
Parenting Support
The Effects of Alcoholism
Preventing Shaken
Baby Syndrome
BACA
Bikers Against Child Abuse (BACA) exists with the intent to create
a safer environment for abused children, to empower children to not
feel afraid of the world in which they live. They involve them with
an established, united organization.
They work in conjunction
with local and state officials who are already in place to protect
children. The child becomes part of their organization, and they
lend physical and emotional support by affiliation, and their
physical presence. They stand to shield these children from further
abuse. The agency representative contacts BACA, and an initial ride
is organized to meet the child at their home or at some other
location. The entire BACA chapter rides to meet the child and
he/she is given a vest with a BACA patch sewn on the back. The
child is also given bumper stickers, and other gifts that are
generally donated by the public.
Following this initial
contact, the child is given the name and number of two BACA members
residing geographically closest to them, who then become the
child's primary contact person(s). Prior to becoming the primary
contacts for the child, the bikers are cleared for participation by
an extensive background check, have ridden with the Chapter for at
least a year, and have received special instructions from the
Licensed Mental Health Professional.
Any time the child feels
scared and feels the need for the presence of his new BACA family,
the child may call upon these bikers to go to the child's house and
provide the necessary reassurance to feel safe and protected. BACA
members and supporters also support the children by: providing
escorts for them if they feel scared in their neighborhoods; riding
by their homes on a regular basis; supporting the children at court
and parole hearings; attending their interviews, and staying with
the children if they are alone and frightened.
The BACA members never go
to the child's home alone and never without the knowledge or
permission of the parents. Their mission is to help the children
and their families learn how powerful they can be. BACA also holds
other functions for the children such as Bar-B-Q's, and parties.
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CHEES
A new heroin-laced tan powder known as "cheese", a street term,
is popping up in middle and high schools in Texas, where dozens of
youths have been caught with the drug and 21 youth have died. In
the two years it has been around, it has killed 200 children. The
new lingo: Cheese, Chees, Cheez, Chez, Chz, Queso, Keso, Kso (look
for these in text messages on cell phones). Cheese is formed by
combining black tar heroin with crushed tablets of certain
over-the-counter common cold medication, such as Tylenol PM. Heroin
is a highly addictive drug and is the most widely abused and most
rapidly acting of the opiates. Users feel euphoric and then sleepy,
lethargic and hungry. Cheese may contain a 2% to 8% heroin purity
level; an 8% purity level is, in some cases, enough to start an
addiction in a user of Cheese.
The powder is snorted with a tube, straw or small ballpoint pen.
One tenth of a gram, which is one "hit", or 'bump', costs two
dollars. Once a person is physically addicted, withdrawal symptoms
may appear from 6 to 24 hours after the last dose of the drug. The
link between physical dependence and addiction is partly
psychological and sociological, and thus varies from person to
person (and culture to culture). Kids hide it in battery
compartments of cell phones, under the soles in shoes, in
waistbands, hoods, backpacks, bras, hair buns, binders, belt
buckles, cuffs, and inside color markers, to name a few.
The drug made many news headlines when it appeared in several
public middle and high schools in Dallas, Texas. By February 1,
2007, usage of Cheese was reported in the fourth-grade level at
several elementary schools; Monty Moncibais, a detective of the
Dallas Police Narcotics Division, stated that children as young as
nine years of age had abused Cheese. So far the problem has been
focused on schools in Dallas. Officials expect to see more youths
hooked on cheese, which is so affordable little kids can purchase
it. Kids all know lots of other kids using cheese. This is the tip
of the iceberg. There are thousands of teens addicted to the drug,
and the devastation it can do to the liver and brain is astounding.
Authorities are responding aggressively. The DEA and Dallas police
have arrested low-level dealers and say they're working on several
investigations targeting suppliers higher up the trafficking chain.
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Parenting from the Inside
Out
The Prevent Child Abuse Calaveras Council co-sponsored a workshop
presented by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel, author of Parenting from the
Inside Out. Dr Siegel specializes in Interpersonal Neurobiology of
the Developing Mind, Attachment Relationships, "Mindsight", and
Neural Integration. In other words, how relationships and the brain
interact to shape who we are.
According to Dr. Daniel
Siegel, many people believe that what happened to them as children
will determine what kind of parent they will be; but the reality is
that no matter how many awful things have happened to you, the way
you think and feel about your history - how you have come to make
sense of your life experiences - will determine what kind of parent
you will be.
In the course of Dr.
Siegel’s presentation, we learned how important attachment
relationships are in our everyday lives. People who have dev-eloped
securely attached relationships are emotionally flexible,
comfortable in social settings, and more resilient in the face of
adversity.
Why is it that our way of
thinking about our life experiences – rather than the actual
experiences themselves - determines whether we will raise securely
attached children? Well, attachment researchers have developed a
set of questions called the Adult Attachment Interview, or AAI,
that asks parents to reflect on the nature of their childhood
experiences. The AAI findings can predict, even in pregnant
couples, what the attachment status of the child will be to each
parent based on the parent’s answers.
The researchers found that
parents who have been able to make sense of their history are
considerably more likely to have a securely attached relationship
with their children. Therefore, it is vital that parents reflect on
their past, take care of any leftover issues, and understand that
their past, no matter how negative it was, has helped to make them
the adult they have become.
Once we understand where
our anger, stress, fears and anxieties are coming from, we can then
deal with those feelings and shift from ‘reacting’ to our children,
to actually paying attention to what is happening at this moment in
their lives.
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PARENTING
SUPPORT
I was talking with a new friend of mine who has a year old baby.
She sometimes considers herself alone and lonely and wonders if the
feelings she has about her parenting skills are normal. I tell her
that if she is feeling guilty, inadequate, brainless, desperate and
scared, then yes, her feelings are normal.
We exchanged stories about the times we felt we’ve failed, and as
the words were spoken aloud they seemed to lose some of their
power. I told her about the times (multiple) that I dressed my kids
in the silliest outfits and took pictures of them purely for my own
amusement. And about feeling so exhausted when both of my kids were
very young that I totally let myself go and actually lived in my
husband’s sweatpants and T-shirts for months. Oh, and I told her
about how - at one of my lowest moments - I was talking with
another mother who portrays everything about her family as
‘perfect’ and was inwardly pleased when her Baby Dior clad son had
what my husband and I call a ‘Blow-Out’ in his diaper as she held
him. That was SO wrong of me… But those were just a couple of
examples of me feeling inadequate, desperate and guilty. And
honestly, haven’t we all had those moments?
When it comes down to it, parents everywhere have basically the
same feelings and fears. Even the “Parent Professionals” will tell
you that no one has all the answers. Not even them. What they are
sure of though, is the fact that talking things out with other
parents will help you to see your behavior as a parent, and your
child’s behavior as a kid, as typical and probably pretty healthy.
Just knowing that your child is not the only child on the planet
who has ever made a scene in public or shouted an inappropriate
declaration at a family reunion, seems to make the experience less
traumatic. As an added bonus, if you can understand WHY your child
did whatever he or she did, you can then make the episode a
learning experience for everyone.
Arleen Garland, Program Director for HRC Child and Parent Services
in Calaveras County said, “When I was a young first-time parent, I
wondered about everything my daughter did, “is that normal
behavior?” “ Am I doing things right?” etc. I would then call my
cousin who was a psychologist and ask questions about every
parenting issue imaginable. Apparently, my cousin got tired of all
my calls because she said, “Arleen, You need to find a parenting
group and talk to other parents”. It was the best thing I did. I
realized my daughter was perfectly normal and it was great to get
all kinds of ideas from other parents that had many of the same
worries and concerns that I had. Plus, I was able to develop some
wonderful friendships that have lasted through the years.”
I shared just a couple of services with my new friend and asked her
to call me if she was interested in learning about more.
Some of those local services for parents include:
* HRC CAPS Parenting Classes - 754-1205
* Beyond Talking Group 754-1205
* Parents Unplugged 754-6885
* HRC CAPS Morning Out Playgroups (Support for parents of 0-5 year
olds) 754-3421
* MOPs Group (Mothers of preschoolers)
* MOM's Group
* Boot Camp for Dad's – A Head Start Program for new dads 772-3980
And there are more…
As we prepared to leave, this young mother tells me of the day when
her child would not go to sleep and she drove around town for
almost an hour with her child strapped into the car seat. “With gas
at $3.15 a gallon” I told her, “you ARE desperate! You need HELP,
my friend!” Then we both giggled at the silliness of it all and
said goodbye.
If you would like more information on support groups for parents
and children, or if you or someone you know needs help or more
information about preventing child abuse in Calaveras County,
please contact Tammy Beilstein, Coordinator for Prevent Child Abuse
Calaveras Council at (209) 754-6110 ext. 101, or write to Tammy at
PCACC, P.O. Box 872 San Andreas, Ca. 95249. You may also visit the
web site at
www.pcacalaveras.org
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The Effects of Alcoholism
At a very young age, I became an expert at alcoholism. I do not
drink alcohol, neither did my parents, but I am a product of an
alcoholic just the same. My maternal grandmother used and abused
alcohol and through visits with her I learned all about the look,
the smell, and the behavior of an alcoholic. She scared me. Her
temperament and behavior varied from a decent woman to an explosive
maniac, and I never knew whom we were going to be visiting until we
entered her home.
Lucky for me, I knew that my visits with her would last only a few
hours at a time. I spent most of those hours sitting quietly on
Grandmother’s blue velvet couch trying to be the perfect grandchild
so as not to upset her. I knew I would be going home soon, but as a
child, my mother could not leave that confusing, anxiety ridden,
depressing environment. That was her home. Her life. My mom grew up
with the same neglect and abuse that one in five children in
America grows up with. Alcoholism is a chronic disease in our
society, but because it is shameful and fairly easy to conceal, the
disease is not discussed openly.
The effect alcoholism has on the children depends on many factors.
The child’s birth order, the family’s income and social status, the
outside support system, and whether the drinker is a functioning
alcoholic or non-functioning alcoholic all raise a major dynamic.
Some of the problems a child of an alcoholic might display are:
Guilt – The child thinks he or she is the cause of their parent’s
drinking.
Anxiety – The child constantly worries about the situation at home
and whether the alcoholic parent will become sick or injured.
Embarrassment – The child feels there is a terrible secret he or
she must hide from friends and family.
Inability to Trust – The child has been disappointed so many times
that the ability to trust is non-existent.
Confusion – The child does not have a regular, consistent schedule
at home, and the mood of the parent can vary from loving to angry
regardless of the child’s behavior.
Anger – The child may be angry with the alcoholic parent for
drinking, but may also be angry with the non-alcoholic parent for
the lack of support and protection.
Depression – The child feels alone and helpless to change the
situation.
On the other hand, the child of an alcoholic may appear to be
highly productive and well behaved. These children are in control
of their lives, they seem happy or unaffected, and often times they
become classic overachievers. Sadly, this is because the child has
taken on the ‘responsible parent’ role at a very early age. These
kids lose their childhood; they are isolated from other children
their age, and sometimes, they just disappear in the milieu because
they seem to have no problems. These children will face their
emotional problems when they become adults.
There are ways teachers, neighbors, law enforcement and primary
health care providers can help without being aggressive. The
easiest way is to make a validating statement such as, “There are a
lot of kids in this town who live with an alcoholic parent.
Actually, Mrs. So-and-So in Room 123 knows a lot about this and she
helps many kids in your school/neighborhood. She’s very cool.”
When a parent comes in for a child’s checkup, the doctor may ask,
“Does anyone in this family have alcohol abuse problems or use
drugs?” If the parent says, “No. We just drink socially.” The
doctor could then ask, “What do you mean by ‘social’ drinking?” The
doctor would then explain that alcoholism is a serious disease that
exists in every community, and that a doctor’s role is to be
concerned for his patient’s health and safety. The parent should
then go home with information, reading materials, and the feeling
that their doctor’s office is a safe place to bring any questions
or concerns.
As a little girl, I was afraid of the immediate affects of my
grandmother’s drinking. I never wanted to drive in a car with her,
I worried about her temper, I hated when she upset my mom, etc.
Little did I know then that the way she raised my mother would
influence my family and me for the rest of our lives.
My mom was that overachieving, perfect child who matured, left
home, and then spent every waking moment of her adult life trying
to be the perfect and ideal wife and mother. I love and admire my
mother so much, but she grew up with a huge amount of pain and
anxiety that didn’t get resolved until only a few years ago. I
thank God that my mother never drank alcohol, but that alcoholic
dysfunction was passed down from generation to generation until the
problems were exposed and dealt with. If this is a problem in your
family, get the help you need – for your sake and for the sake of
your children.
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Preventing Shaken Baby
Syndrome
May 2006
(San Andreas, Ca.) Does this sound familiar – My baby has been
crying for hours and I'm at my wits end. Nothing I do seems to make
a difference. I've tried everything I can think of and I can feel
the frustration building. I've been up for hours and I am ready to
snap - I just want to grab him and give him a good shake. When is
it going to stop? I just can't take this any more....If this in
fact does sound familiar, know that you are not the first person to
experience these thoughts and feelings. Now is the time to take a
break. Call a friend or a neighbor and have them come over for a
short while to give you a breather. No baby or parent is perfect
and you haven't done anything to cause this crying. In fact it is
so common that there is a name for this crying - it's called " The
Period of PURPLE crying"
PURPLE crying.
P = Peak Pattern
U = Unpredictable
R = Resistant to soothing
P = Pain like face
L = Long bouts
E = Evening Cry
It is vitally important to understand the dangers of shaking a baby
because this is one of the most common causes of brain and head
injuries in infants. Shaken Baby Syndrome is a form of child abuse
in which the perpetrator, usually a parent or adult caretaker,
shakes a child so violently that the brain sustains major injury.
Shaken Baby Syndrome is most commonly seen in babies 3-8 months but
has been witnessed in children as old as 4 years.
When someone forcefully shakes a baby, the child's head rotates
about uncontrollably because infants' neck muscles aren't well
developed and provide little support for their heads. The violent
movement throws the infant's brain back and forth within the skull,
rupturing blood vessels and nerves throughout the brain and tearing
the brain tissue. The brain strikes the inside of the skull,
causing bruising and bleeding to the brain. After the shaking,
swelling in the brain can cause enormous pressure within the skull,
compressing blood vessels and increasing the overall injury.
Children who survive Shaken Baby Syndrome may have:
partial or total blindness
hearing loss
seizures
developmental delays
impaired intellect
speech and learning difficulties
problems with memory and attention
severe mental retardation
paralysis
Many times infants are never brought to medical attention if they
don't exhibit such severe symptoms. Even in milder cases, those in
which babies look normal immediately after the shaking, the babies
may eventually develop one or more of these problems. In less
severe cases, a baby who has been shaken may experience:
lethargy
irritability
vomiting
poor sucking or swallowing
decreased appetite
lack of smiling or vocalizing
seizures
difficulty breathing
altered consciousness
unequal pupil size
an inability to lift the head
an inability to focus the eyes or track movement
Shaken baby Syndrome is100% preventable. The Prevent Child Abuse
Calaveras Council is trying to increase awareness of the potential
dangers of shaking. One important prevention method is to help new
parents identify and prevent shaking injuries and understand how to
respond when infants cry. If a baby in your care won't stop crying,
you can try the following:
*Make sure the baby's basic needs are met (for example, he or she
isn't hungry and doesn't need to be changed).
*Check for signs of illness, like fever or swollen gums.
*Rock or walk with the baby.
*Sing or talk to the baby.
*Offer the baby a pacifier or a noisy toy.
*Take the baby for a ride in a stroller or strapped into a child
safety seat in the car.
*Hold the baby close against your body and breathe calmly and
slowly.
*Call a friend or relative for support or to take care of the baby
while you take a break.
If nothing else works, put the baby on his or her back in the crib,
close the door, and check on the baby in 10 minutes. Call your
child's doctor if nothing seems to be helping your infant in case
there is a medical reason for the fussiness. To prevent potential
Shaken Baby Syndrome, parents and caregivers of infants need help
with responding to their own stress.
It is important to talk to anyone caring for your baby about the
dangers of shaking and how it can be prevented. The Prevent Child
Abuse Council of Calaveras County can provide you with that
information.
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